Children learn from their parents. If spanking happens to them, they could learn that using force is an acceptable way to resolve problems.
Whether generational, cultural or otherwise, Americans have a wide variety of views on the appropriateness and effectiveness of spanking children as a disciplinary action.
How common is spanking?
According to an article by CNN, “Around the world, close to 300 million children aged 2 to 4 receive some type of physical discipline from their parents or caregivers on a regular basis, according to a UNICEF report published in November.”
But the article also goes on to say, “Sixty countries, states and territories have adopted legislation that fully prohibits using corporal punishment against children at home, according to both UNICEF and the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children.”
Is spanking legal?
The United States is not one of those countries that have prohibited spanking. In fact, according to Social Policy Report, “School corporal punishment is currently legal in 19 states, and over 160,000 children in these states are subject to corporal punishment in schools each year.”
Is spanking effective?
So for many, spanking is a legal and ethical gray area. Is it right? Is it effective? How will it impact my kids down the road? We took these questions to an expert on children’s mental health, Dr. Kelsie-Marie Offenwanger, child and adolescent psychologist for Marshfield Clinic Health System.
“In the short term, spanking might be effective at stopping a behavior in that moment. Children are often afraid of being hit or spanked. But in the long run, it can make children more aggressive. I kind of compare it to taking a pill for your back. That pill might make your back better in the moment, but it does not address the underlying cause,” Offenwanger said.
A report that came out of the American Psychological Association Task Force on Physical Punishment of Children said, “physical punishment is not an appropriate or even a consistently effective method of discipline.”
Elizabeth Gershoff, Ph.D., a researcher on physical punishment at the University of Texas at Austin added “physical punishment doesn’t work to get kids to comply, so parents think they have to keep escalating it. That is why it is so dangerous.”
Sending the wrong message
Offenwanger said spanking kids doesn’t necessarily convey to them that their behavior was wrong. Instead, it tends to convey the message that it is acceptable to resolve anger, frustration or arguments with physicality.
“Spanking is correlated strongly with negative outcomes for children,” Offenwanger said. “Some of those outcomes include higher risk of an emotional disorder like depression or anxiety, increased stress and emotional or psychological effects down the road.”
Children learn by watching the behavior of their role models and parents, so if they see their role models spanking, it may become a pattern for them later in life to use physical force to resolve conflict.
Long story short, spanking does not to appear to be effective in changing or improving a child’s behavior, and it may have negative long-term consequences.
If you think oh my kids turned out fine that's because they are too scared to tell you different I guess you are ok with that to hunh
The problem with this is that what the author says does not bear out in real life. I have volunteered in Ghana, Africa for many years. Use of the cane to discipline children in both home and school is normal there. And it is quite harsh! While children may be a little rough with each other, as adults the majority of people in Ghana are not at all physically violent and are not depressed or emotionally disturbed. In fact, I've seen a lot more violence in this country (USA). The author is using laboratory "research," not real life results. Godfrey
Hi im hungarian. I don't speak english.
Im spanking my child.
You don't HIT a fly, you swat it and a quick swat on the bum is all I suggested. It worked for my mom and her 5 kids. People that don't stop speeding just because they get a fine will never learn and they were probably BEATEN when they were a child. There is a huge difference between a swat, a hit, a punch, and a beating or a caning and I'm not suggesting anything more than a swat. I'm 65 and have never hit, beaten, punched or otherwise hurt a child, teen or an adult. You know, I don't even ever remember crying after the swat because it scared me more than it even hurt. On the bum, nowhere else.
I don't think that there is any "appropriate" level of physical punishment!!!!! The power dynamics are so skewed especially if a child is from 0 years to 4 years old and the adult is soooo much bigger. I raised two wonderful, responsible, kind adults with no corporal punishment at all. If you don't have the patience and skills to be a good parent then go to a parenting class!
This anti-spanking BS is sickening. Anyone that grew up knowing that they were going to get more than a timeout in the corner, knew that you better walk the straight and narrow and listen to your parents or there would be repercussions for inappropriate behavior. These days, parents are told not to discipline their kids, and in places can have legal charges levied against them, we are told instead to only explain to the child what they did wrong. In my opinion one or other is not effective, you need to do both. Explain, discipline, re-explain, and confirm the child understands what they did wrong, why they were disciplined, and what will happen if they repeat the behavior.
Oddly, when those in society say not to discipline, and the children do something to hurt / damage / steal, etc, the parents are held legally responsible for their kids actions. So what is a parent to do? Discipline and correct the problem, or don't and let the undiiscplined child continue to break house or societal rules and be held responsible? Snowflakes & "Experts": Stay out of our homes. A spanking is NOT assault and battery. If a 5 second spanking causing a sting to get your kids attention and will make them think twice about doing it again, IT IS A GOOD THING. I am NOT advocating abuse here people, if it leaves a mark / welt, or still hurts 5-10 minutes after the spanking is issued, that isn't a spanking, that's a beating. Not cool, not right.
Anyone that was born prior to say 1980 has almost undoubtedly has a spanking for something they did as a child. Ask yourself: Were we better behaved as a society before or after 1980? IWere we better adjusted mentally prior to or after 1980? Generally speaking, I believe both questions would indicate we were better before. I'm not saying everything was so great back in the day, but back then if you got in trouble with your parents, your boss, or the law it was a black mark you wanted to avoid, and your would be embarrassed by you bad behavior. Similarly having children out outside of a marriage was looked down upon. It seems like now, they barely get a shrug of the shoulders.
Society is degrading, not only because of lack of discipline, there are many factors, but lack of real discipline is without question is a significant contributing factor. Possibly more of a factor is the loathing of those who are successful, while uplifting mediocrity. I digress, sorry about that.
Dr. Offenwanger, the only statement I agree with you on is "“In the short term, spanking might be effective at stopping a behavior" Good kids with good parents with good values will teach their children through example, and discipline to responsible. Children with unengaged parents, children with certain personalities, and other bad peer examples will be challenged with or without discipline to be of good character, and responsible. We need to accept the fact that without the proper environment any child can go down the wrong path in life, It is up to us as parents, family members, teachers, neighbors, and friends to rather than make excuses, set a positive example everyday. This includes maintaining moral and ethical standard, but also correcting bad behavior to help children to get back on the path to a successful and prosperous life. Snowflakes, and promoting snowflakes, and the whole woe is me mindset, is leading us into a nation of wimpy crybabies that can't or don't want to take care of their own responsibilities and everyone else is to blame.
I never put a hand on my kids because at a age of 7yrs 6yrs and 4yrs old old they watched their own Dad Hitting their Mom everyday for no reason but out of anger from his issues so to hit my kids after seeing what the Dad did to them made it ok not to just spank but abuse too. They never got spankings and turned out fine They knew what daddy was doing was wrong..All I can say theres other ways to discipline…and God took the Daddy at those ages he was 36yrs old the age my son is today …And he will not lay a hand on a girl ..NOW if I spanked him he would be a Batterier…beating his wife an kids..
Joyce, I feel very sorry for what happened to you. What you are describing shouldn't happen to anyone. I hope that the emotional scars that you have will someday heal.
That said, I respectfully disagree with your comparison and conclusions. What your ex husband did to you was clearly abuse, and very wrong. Discipline is a very different situation, and I stand by my comments that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. I have two kids 11, and 14. I can count on one hand the number of times they collectively have been spanked. I use it sparingly and only when other methods have been shown to be ineffective, or the behavior is so egregious and offensive it deserves more significant punishment,
I think that you are making way too many assumptions with respect to your son, it's not as simple as: if I did that, you would do this. If that were true having seen and witnessing what happened to you he would follow in his father's footsteps.
Put simply, there are multiple factors that determine how a person will grow from childhood to adulthood. They environment, the genetics, and they own personality all impact how they behave, look, and determine overall health, mental and physical.
A simple, and rarely used disciplinary action is not going to make anyone a batterier as you have indicated. That said, if the home life and socierty drive this behavior as acceptable, there are many people that have less than desirable moral character that follow this pattern abuse.
Discipline is not abuse. Abuse is not discipline. They are clearly different for those that understand the difference.
Please. Your generation that was spanked was the one who destroyed this nation. This mess is yours so I would think twice before blaming lack of spanking. “We’ve turned into a nation of crybabies…” oh sure, Your generation is the one that destroyed everything, so save us your sanctimonious speeches. The last way things should be done is the way you did them because that was a colossal failure.
Disciplining a child starts with disciplining oneself. If you are patient, kind and aware of your affect on others, children will reflect that. If you are rude, impatient and demand others attend to you, you will likely have children that act the same way. If you care for neighbor as you would yourself, that begs the question how do you treat yourself, and would your neighbor agree?
Social norms have changed dramatically on the topic of corporeal punishment. It can be used, but it has to be done in a safe and patient manner, not out of frustration or anger. That's another point of self-discipline, and very hard for most adults to deploy.
I would ask, have you looked around at the use of respect for others, the use of manners, and the self-social awareness of the current social environment these days? No longer is saying excuse me, thank you, or showing other general courtesies in a sincere manner, any longer as common as it used to be. Using the F word apparently is the only adjective many people know. Self-indulgence is worshiped, as people fill (themselves) up with their "bucket lists" and (addictive) "passions."
How difficult it must be to raise a child now, when our shared culture has become as indecent, impatient, media and entertainment dominated, and pleasure oriented as it is. Unfortunately parents today face an onslaught of government authority, social control engineers and political manipulation, making it very difficult to raise a child in a peaceful setting. Protect your privacy, one of the last strongholds for the family. Use punishments sparingly, and learn to use patience and kindness as powerful tools.
Well stated. I agree 100%
I believe there are many instances when spanking, though it hurts the child, prevents a greater hurt. For example, toddler Tommy keeps reaching for the top of the stove where he could get his fingers badly burned. Logic may not work here as is the case with younger children. A spanking in my family would go without question. In the event Tommy doesn’t listen and burns his fingers, he’s going to better understand what ‘no’ means. My husband and I have four grown well-adjusted children and they were all spanked to one degree or another. I might add that the parents should agree on this.
Spanking is a helpful means of correction for a young child, when properly administered. A young child is different from an adult and needs to be treated differently regarding correction. Young children who haven’t developed to the level of understanding, or self-control of their behavior, can be trained to obey by a “slight and brief” application of pain to the buttocks or back of the hand by a parent who is “under emotional control.” I would suggest using a hand to spank, but a wooden spoon with a quick but light tap that stings the skin only. Controlled. Spanking in this way is an act of loving correction. As a child, I feared going to the dentist to have a decayed tooth “drilled”, or going to the doctor to get a “shot” then getting a spanking from my mom. Yet, the dentist and doctor were correcting issues I had in a caring way even though I suffered a bit of pain at the time. Interesting isn’t it? They inflicted pain on me to help me at the time for my future!
Spanking is not the only tool you have. You can first use other methods of correction, like “standing in the corner”. What child likes that! The problem is, that some parents use too much force and are in anger when they attempt discipline. This doesn’t result in correction, but resentment because it’s misapplied, it’s not done in love but anger.
The intent of spanking is loving correction to raise an obedient, responsible child to become a responsible adult, who in turn, lovingly corrects their children.
Great reply Michael
Mike. Love your analogy. Makes perfect sense.
Absolute garbage. While I don't use spanking as a rule. I've found in rare cases it was necessary at the moment. For anyone to judge or tell a parent it's unacceptable is a person who hasn't experienced life or doesn't want to admit it. I'm not a person who will debate this.
You are sooo wrong with your conclusions about corporal punishment. ! Having lived for 77 years I have watched the cultural changes that have occurred. I do not believe that a child should be beaten but a swat to the behind gets the point across that the behavior is not appropriate. That a boundary or limit has been set. We are now dealing with the past generations that have the time out discipline and are reaping what we sown. It is the lack of limits in society, the angst of the youth, the high anxiety that puts them in a virtual reality which is faultless and without consequences. I would like to meet and interview the adult children of those who conducted this time out study. I'm sure it would be quite interesting. Live long and pay attention to our culture is the best way to understand long term results.
Nice answer Tony, you sound like an intelligent man and I agree with your statements.
Me too.
When a child is spanked, his/her self-esteem is compromised. The child doesn't see the spanking as a form of behavior modification, but only thinks of the action against self. When self-esteem is compromised, growing into a healthy successful adult is compromised as well. If a child has low self-esteem, he/she will have difficulty with making goals because he/she won't believe in himself/herself.
When I got spanked as a child I KNEW why I was getting a swat on the bum. I KNEW I had done wrong.. Kids aren't stupid and will push the envelope until you react. Of course there are different levels of spanking, I'm only talking about a firm swat on the bum and nowhere else on the body. Self-esteem???? Kids that small don't even know how to spell their name yet let alone have the capacity to realize their feelings may have been hurt. Too many kids now think everything they do is so wonderful because their parents praise them TOO much. You can go overboard both ways. Now everybody's "feelings" are constantly in jeopardy which is ridiculous, toughen up a little, its a big, bad world out there and if you want to come out on top you need to be a little more thick skinned.
Psychological punishment (torture} is much worse and ruins a child's life. That is the alternative that these whacko's are suggesting. They should be jailed for promoting mental torture of toddlers.
It's true. Michael and Barbara give especially good illustrations.The physicality of our cultures comes up often and across arrays of contexts. Often my boys rough house each other and may over-nudge myself in their excitements. I don't nudge back, and it's certainly not long before I'm Pushover Numero Uno. Escalation is by far not a one-sided thing. And we can't balk at our kids' healthiest physical outlets, nor deny perspective taking of anything deemed out of hand. They crave the comfortable contact of routinely rubbing elbows with their parents; it's an honest reflection that they'd literally make furniture of us, because they're never happier than when overlapping their arms or legs onto ours. Ever climbing if not outright wrestling. My children understanding time, place, context, constructive regard of rules is just as important as self-esteem. It's in fulfillment of these things that they routinely establish self-esteem, and a parent should always look to step away before feeling truly angered or even frustrated by their child. Like letting a batch of cookies cool. It is most troublesome when children are not encouraged to understand that – let alone why – they should behave, that they cannot fully possess their parents, and that their parents don't have to have hard feelings, elaborate portrayals or planned dialogues for medications, or any other far-spun agendas toward them, to accompany an issue behavior. It's highlighted, it's prioritized (even if signified with a pat or another), managed if/as challenging a child going forward, and with room retained for all the rest of it. Older parents or grandparents may fall short on the exuberance kids demand, not every store or restaurant is a place awaiting the endeavored taming of your child, and my kids can be unafraid of me and still understand to oblige their self-control. Having a sibling itself becomes so provocative of misbehavior when they're younger, and imagine hoovering in our homes like we all have only-children to mind so gingerly, eager not to interrupt highly private, ultimately antisocial, pursuits at 5 or even 10 years old…
Spanking should never be an option. It is socially inappropriate and against the law to hit another adult when you disagree with their behavior. So why hold children to a different standard? Aren’t their young developing brains the ones that need to be mentored through healthy modeling by adults? Physical aggression by adults teaches children how to hurt others that are smaller and less powerful. Are we trying to teach or condition children through pain?
Adults know better, children do not until they have matured. I was spanked regularly when I was a child and it has had no affect on my being an adult. I am almost 66 and am still a fairly shy person. If I ever would have had children I too would have probably used spanking as a method of teaching a child. I see kids now in stores running, screaming and driving everyone else up the wall while the mother acts like it isn't happening. A firm swat on the bum doesn't hurt anyone and I'm proof of that.
You are so right
If we assert that it is ok and indeed beneficial to spank (a euphemism for hitting) a child, then at what age does one stop? If it is ok to hit a toddler, then is it not equally beneficial to hit a teen? A spouse? An employee? A neighbor? Aren’t we teaching our kids to resolve differences by physical aggression? Punishment does not eliminate misbehavior; it teaches them to the misbehavior when the punisher (parent) is nearby. So it merely drives the behavior underground/-in the same way that no one stops speeding because they get a fine. No, instead they buy radar detectors to avoid the pilunishment while they continue to speed. NO research finds corporal punishment to be nexesssry or effective.
You people don't get it. Discipline NEEDS to be happen to correct bad behavior. If you have an truly effective means to does this without a superficial spanking (AGAIN NOT BEATING OR ABUSE) please share. It is only one piece of the puzzle. You need to be a good parent and regularly teach your children right from wrong. As in my case as you that, spankings almost never happen. Your comparison although understandable is not an accurate comparison. An adult is mature a child is still growing mentally and physically. They need to have poor behavior correct when it happens, early in life. If there are no ramifications for it will repeat over and over and get worse over time.
The key there is they AREN'T adults.