A healthy living blog from Marshfield Clinic Health System

How to reconnect with your partner after a baby

A portrait of young couple with a baby and cardboard boxes moving in a new home.

Adding a tiny human into the mix is an exciting time in a couple’s life, but it can also pose challenges. Try these tips to reconnect with your partner after a baby.

Adding a new tiny human into the mix is an exciting time in a couple’s life, but it can also pose challenges. Spending time to intentionally prioritize your relationship can help you make it through this transitional time stronger than ever. Try some of these tips to reconnect with your partner after a baby:

  1. Share your feelings
  2. Appreciate the little things
  3. Solve problems as a team
  4. Connect through touch
  5. Plan baby-free time
  6. Laugh together

Learn more about each of these strategies for connecting with your spouse or partner after pregnancy below.

Share your feelings

The period of change after your baby is born can cause upheaval that might have one or both parents feeling a little off-balance. To help reconnect with your partner after a baby, communicate honestly with one another, and listen without judgment. Maybe one of you feels like you’re not bonding with the baby as you’d hoped. Or you’re tired and overwhelmed. However you feel, talk about your challenges and thoughts over dinner, in the car, while rocking the baby, or whenever you can fit it in. Communicating in this way can help you feel united and less alone.

Appreciate the little things

There might not be the time or energy for grand romantic gestures these days, and that’s okay. Instead, make a point of noticing and expressing gratitude for the little things (and brainstorming “little things” you can do too!). Making coffee or breakfast in the morning, doing a chore, starting the bath or shower water, picking up takeout, or leaving encouraging notes are just a few ideas. There are many simple surprises like these that your partner may be doing for you – or you can do for them – that will brighten both of your days.

Solve problems as a team

When you have a problem or disagreement, it helps to think of it as the two of you against the problem, not against one another. Whether it’s stress over taking care of a newborn, managing finances, or family obligations, experts recommend using supportive and constructive techniques. One way to do this is by showing empathy to your partner when they’re worried or feel stressed. Listen carefully, find ways to compromise, and work together to come up with solutions to whatever is bothering them (or you).

Connect through touch

Connecting through touch doesn’t necessarily mean sex. In fact, your women’s health provider may recommend that you refrain from intercourse for a set period after your baby is born. During this phase, find different opportunities throughout the day to be close to your partner. Touch is such a powerful sense that some psychologists think deserves its own language, granting the ability to communicate and bond. Cuddle on the couch, trade back rubs, kiss goodnight, sneak in for a hug, hold hands—the opportunities to reconnect with your partner after a baby through touch are endless!

Plan baby-free time

There’s no doubt about it: babies need a lot of attention. However, it’s healthy also to plan times when the two of you can devote some attention to each other instead. Perhaps you can enlist the support of friends, family, or a babysitter while you have a monthly date night. During these times of reconnection with your spouse after pregnancy, try to put away the electronics and enjoy each other’s company. You may consider mixing it up with fun date ideas for new parents, like cooking classes, ice skating, and museum nights. While your precious little one will undoubtedly be on your mind, plan regular check-ins with your sitter and do your best to make the conversation non-baby-related in between.

Laugh together

Laughter has astounding healing properties. Among other benefits, it helps relieve tension and stress (which you might both be feeling after a baby) and triggers feel-good endorphins. And it’s also a powerful relational tool, bringing people together in a moment of positivity and joy. In this last tip for how to reconnect with your partner after a baby, look for the humor in every situation. Perhaps you share inside jokes, watch your favorite comedy shows or movies, and just be silly together (you can include the baby too!). Making an effort to laugh and enjoy the ride can go a long way toward building a strong parental bond.

To schedule an appointment with our doctors, midwives, and women’s health providers, call 920.885.6090 or request an appointment online today.

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